Ain't English The Bees-Knees?

Fissilingual /FISS il ING wool/ adj * Possessing a forked tongue.

Lask /LASK/ v * To be afflicted with diarrhea.

Cully /KULL ee/ n * Someone who is easily imposed upon, especially by a woman.

Unasinous /yoo NASS in us/ adj * Equally stupid.

Pilgarlic /pil GAR lik/ n * A sorry-looking bald person.

Agelast /AJ uh last/ n * A person who never laughs.

Challenge: Can you write a story paragraph that ties all of these words together in an artful manner? I will post my attempt later in the week.

*As always, I give reverence to Novobatzky & Shea's Depraved and Insulting English for their collection of the obscure.

Word of the Day

Osphresiophilia /oss free zee o FIL ee uh/ n * Sexual excitement from smells.

"Being a perfume tester was a dream job for a woman with osphresiophilia, but Nancy's frequent trips to the bathroom began to raise some eyebrows in the lab."

Source: Depraved and Insulting English by Peter Novobatzky and Ammon Shea.

Knowing the eagerness with which my devoted Blatherscopians seek to expand their lingual dexterity, I will, henceforth, present a regular dosing of dialectical delights, straight from the forked tongues of Monsieurs Novobatzky & Shea. Yes, Loyal Readers, until such time as I am sent a cease-and-desist epistle, I shall hold the candle of language aloft in the darkness of a world in which "R U red E 4 2-dayz test?" constitutes a sentence.

And, in case anyone was wondering, that co-worker who constantly sprays saliva when he/she talks is sialoquent.

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!!

Joss has a new TV series! Starring Eliza Dushku! There aren't enough exclamation points!!!!!!!!

Beam Me Up, Dennis

Kucinich's presidency plans just got phasered, once and for all.

I Have Always Hated This Word

Moist.

Isn't that just...yuk....It makes my skin crawl.

But I am not alone! There are other people as neurotic as I. Maybe we could form some weird cult around our hatred of this word. Just a thought.

Bitchy In Iraq Seeks Annoying Poly-Blogger

Of all the bizarre news from the front, this takes the sand-covered and explosive-filled cake. Be sure to read the entire thing; it just keeps getting weirder.

I Heart Throwing Sheep

Facebook has seduced me. Ach, Ninja Vampires and Pirate Cows!

Another Tenor Thinks He's The Messiah

Am I the only one who thinks all tenors are donkey-holes?* But if I can push aside the mountainous egos of said high-voiced male singers for a moment (woo! That took all my Popeye-muscles), the ideology Mr. Gelb brings to the Met bodes poorly for We hungry, struggling, no-name singers. Me thinks it is a desperate attempt for the "most prestigious opera house in the world" (ahem!) to save face and actually turn a profit.**

*In the spirit of Full Disclosure, I must inform you, sensitive Readers, that Zerd's own BFF is a tenor; however, he already admits to being a d-hole.
**Because, somehow, less prestigious opera houses have managed to keep themselves in the black for years. Lyric Opera of Chicago, this shout out is for you, you sexy Opera Machine!

Happy Hogwarts Wizard Outed

Dumbledore is gay, but in that very subtle English way. "Oh, the fan fiction!" laughs creator J.K. Rowling.

You Can Sing Along With "Buffy"--Or You Could Until Corporate America Found Out And Staked It

Why, when someone tries to do something fun and uplifting, does Big Corporate come along and squash it? Oh, Organized Crime is real, mes amis, and (with government blessing) tries to squeeze every cent out of Us that It can.

Happy Take Your Teddy Bear To Work Day!

This day is one of a handful of days during the year when I wish I worked in an office.

Bearfy the vampire slayer, today is your day.

To Be Filed Under "Are You F*cking Kidding Me?!?"

"We are no longer doing movies with women in the lead."--Jeff Robinov, Warner Bros. president of production. Mr. Robinov somehow feels Jody Foster (The Brave One) and Nicole Kidman (The Invasion) are to blame for the lackluster monetary performance of the films.

Go here for more.

Ooo! I just found this gem in a January 13, 2004 Time Warner press release: "Robinov is known for having a strong grasp on the taste and pulse of the moviegoing audience, for his team-building management style, his extraordinary work ethic, and for his outstanding relationships with both established and emerging filmmakers and actors. During his tenure as a Warner Bros. Pictures executive, he has overseen such major productions as the Matrix trilogy, "Swordfish" and "Cats & Dogs," and supervised his department's production of such recent and upcoming films as "The Last Samurai," "Starsky & Hutch," "Troy," the Harry Potter series, "Catwoman," "Constantine" and "Ocean's Twelve."" Italics, mine. Notice anything fishy about his "strong grasp on the taste and pulse of the moviegoing audience"? Like the fact that everything but the HP series and the 1st Matrix movie was an absolute bomb?

I'm going to write Warner Bros and then boycott all their shitty, shitty shit they call films.

"Librophiliac Love Letter"

Excuse me, I'm still wiping the crap out of my pants after looking at these lovelies. Who says Money can't buy Happiness?

Function Of Appendix Found! Unfortunately World Over-Population Makes It Superfluous

Poor Appendix. Sometimes a weird little body part just can't catch a break.

I Am Radiohead; Could You Be Radiohead, Too?

There is a Music Revolution birthing, and Radiohead is its dula*.

Correction: It's "doula," not "dula." Thanks, lovely Jenny!