One Funny Mutha Fkr

Holy shizz, what a funny bastard. Thanks to Maud Newton for making me aware of Shalom Auslander. Foreskin's Lament is going in the To Be Read sidebar, just as soon as it is published (hurry, October!).

"...Auslander is pragmatic in email about violating the Lord's Fourth Commandment to promote his memoir this weekend: 'Fuck Him; if the Bible wasn't a best-seller every damn year He'd be there, too.' "

For The Discriminating Doll

Just in case, y'all didn't know, I heart dollhouses. Their tiny perfection makes me insanely gleeful! And now they have come out with modern pieces. No longer must dollhouse owners everywhere resign themselves to historically accurate miniature worlds--welcome to the hipster age of cool!

Belated Yipee-Ki-Yay to the Duke

May 26 would have been John Wayne's 100th. Happy belated birthday, Pilgrim! I grew up watching his movies with my Pop, so he holds a special place in my heart. If you have never seen one of his flicks, I highly recommend The Cowboys, True Grit, The Quiet Man, and director John Ford's classic The Searchers. John Wayne might not have been a Great Actor, but he was a Great Character, and every film he was ever in is the better for it.

Bookmobile To Your Door: Reading Updates

Rarely do I ever start a book and then not finish it--and by "rarely," I mean Noah was just gathering materials for the ark the last time this event occurred. However, last night, 200 pages in, I rejected a book. Yes, yes I did. The Reject was A Thread Of Grace by Mary Doria Russell. [Great gasps are heard around the world.] Please, Blatherscopians! Try to pull yourselves together! I feel awful about this--you know how much I loved The Sparrow. This is incredibly painful for me.

Russell commits the gravest of Writing sins: she tells rather than shows. Although her plot is commendable, her characters do not live (and why does Russell think a normal, healthy, intelligent, womanly 14-year-old girl from an Educated family would not yet know her Multiplication Tables?). One of her most intriguing character attempts is an AWOL German surgeon who oversaw the murders of 91,000 Jews and now wants redemption; his scenes with the daring Jew who tries to save him are the closest thing to actual, believable relationships in the book. But even that couldn't save the novel--they are two among twelve major characters. After 200 pages, I just couldn't stomach any more tarnishment of my opinion of Russell; I had to quit, for the good of our relationship.*

Intuition, however, was masterful. I'm not sure that I loved it, but I sincerely respect this work by Allegra Goodman. If this work is so Masterful, you might ask, why does it garner Respect without Passion? Excellent question, Beloved Readers! First of all, Goodman's prose is tight-- descriptive without being flowery or superfluous.

"Unguarded, oblivious, Cliff stood, examining his mice, holding them up by the tail, each in turn. He had results. She [Robin] saw that clearly through the tinted window. Those were results he held there by the tail.
"He had an almost dazed smiled on his face, a smile of utter, innocent joy. She turned away. She'd seen that look before, a gaze as familiar as his tongue, his hands, his fingertips--the realization that he'd finally gotten what he'd wanted."

Goodman elegantly shows the relationship between Cliff and Robin while illuminating as much about Robin's character as she, in turn, observes about Cliff's. Secondly, Goodman's characters are Capital-R Real. Even the minor ones, which is no mean feat. You experience their dreams, fears, pettiness, successes; you understand the human-ness that leads them to their actions. No one is a Villain, but rather an unwilling participant in a Greek Tragedy. Thirdly, the plot tackles the nuances of ethics--scientific, political, personal. Everything is Gray, despite an Absolute Truth. Goodman obviously was careful to choose an Important Field (cancer research) that could not be construed as sensationalist-sexy; its setting gives the plot Grit. However, its very Grit is what prevents me from loving it madly; this is perhaps my failing, rather than the book's. I do, though, heart Allegra Goodman! Very worthy read.

*You know, the relationship that is imaginary.

O'Reilly Ain't Punny

Fox News frack-head Bill O'Reilly strikes again. (Make sure the link takes you to "Bill O'Reilly Plays The Race Card.")

His logic is dizzying. I'm not really sure where to begin; so many wrongs are crammed into five sentences--it's like Wrongapalooza. Just for kicks, let's analyze this thing Top-Down: he begins by blanketing supporters of the recent immigration reform bill, then tells us that these supporters (implying all) hate America, and this hatred is caused (?) because they believe (?) America is run by white, Christian men. (I guess none of the supporters or immigrants could be Christians themselves. Or white, for that matter.)

Oh, you might be saying, then he's talking about foreign support for the bill. No, no, dear Blatherscope Thinkers, next O'Reilly periscopes-in to specify "a segment of [America's] population" as Tha Haterz. Although, he covers his donkey (c'mon, what's another name for donkey....starts with "A"....) bee-oo-tifully in the artful phrasing: "Let me repeat that. America is run primarily by white, Christian men, and there is a segment of our population that hates that, despises that power structure." He says he is just reiterating his prior statement, when actually he is (a) confirming that he also believes America is run by white, Christian (?!) men, (b) very carefully NOT saying a segment of America's population hates the USA, unlike the previous sentence, but that they hate "that", and (c) clarifies "that" as "that power structure," implying that there is something wrong/bad about people who hate a "power structure" controlled by white, Christian (ahem!) men. He gets people so twisted, you'd think he's a tornado.

Next comes my favorite part--The Leap! "So they, under the guise of being compassionate, want to flood the country with foreign nationals, unlimited, unlimited, to change the complexion--pardon the pun--of America." Hoo, doggies! O'Reilly, adding another blanket to his donkey, uses the anonymous "they", leaving the listener to decide which group of Haterz meant, the America haters or the Power Structure haters or just Bill Supporters (remember, this was a radio broadcast; quick talking by-passes a lot o' logic, and allows for a lot o' muddling in the mind). He also cleverly refrains from out-right calling "they" liars, but calls their compassion a "guise" (meaning "false appearance"--you can look that shizz up), negating Compassion as a Legitimate Reason for any immigration reform bill, let alone this bill. Then he gives "their" True Agenda: removing restrictions on immigration to take away Tha Powa from those poor, white, Christian men. O'Reilly uses sensationalist language to build on his assertion that "they want"--Floods! Foreign Nationals!! Double-Unlimited!!! Changing Complexions!!!! Holy Parasite, that shizz is insidious!!!!!

All I can say to that is LOOK AT THE SOURCE. READ THE FRACKIN' BILL. Don't B'lieve the Hype, good or bad. I would like to know why "foreign nationals" are always non-whites. Seriously, can anybody answer me that? Also, if "they" do "want...to change the complexion" of this country (a) why is that wrong or even just a bad idea? (b) how is that a threat to the Power Structure? Erosion over time? According to US Census figures for 2006, a good 2/3 of Americans identified themselves primarily as Whiteys, although a full 5mil claim mixed-race heritage. Ooo, is O'Reilly afraid of Mixed Marriages creating a new race of Mongrels? Or is he afraid that America will be polluted with the false ideals of other governments and cultures, causing the collapse of Democracy, Apple Pie, Baseball, and All That Is Holy? If you believe, as Thomas Jefferson so famously said, "that all men [sic] are created equal," why would "complexion" matter?

O'Reilly has turned immigration reform into a vendetta against white, Christian men. And I, Zerd, am in fact one of Tha Haterz. I hate this constant tying of Christianity to talk of Power Structure (i.e. government)--Hello, First Amendment! Glad to meet 'cha! I hate that O'Reilly never questions if white, Christian men should be the Power Structure--What Was, Ever Shall Be. And I hate that O'Reilly's fast-talking Logic Bombs are even credible to a part of the population. JFK's prophetic "we have nothing to fear but fear itself" speech fell on deaf ears; this is a nation ruled by white, Christian men who brandish Fear as their weapon.

Can Truth win over Fear? Has it ever?

Art is Calling to Me

Look closely. Closer. Yup, it's a frackin' 6-ft man and reflection made out of LEGO building blocks. This is just one of many "sculptures" by artist Nathan Sawaya. Keep in mind that this guy gave up being a lawyer to follow his Muse's Call. Here are a few more, for you viewing pleasure.

Quote of the Day: "I feel that Pure Romance is my ministry."

Y'all know how I love music AND puns, so when I saw this article, I had to read it.

Burn, Baby, Burn

I'll take them! Don't burn them! Why not eBay them, at least? I know it's a protest, but....

My book-heart aches.

That's One Sad Bananna

"If a Body Meet a Body"

I grew up thinking J.D. Salinger must be an Evil Man because his novel The Catcher in the Rye had been banned by so many schools and libraries. Censorship is the only way to protect the hearts and minds of our children, isn't it? I mean, it is just so much healthier to pretend like these things don't exist than to brave some potentially embarrassing and honest conversation.

The recent Mississippi school ban of Ray Bradbury's anti-censorship classic Fahrenheit 451--during the celebration of ALA's Banned Books Week, no less--made me reconsider the whole "banned books are evil books" thang of my dewy youth.* Having read F-451 during said youthful period, I knew this was not an Evil Book; in fact, the worst slight I can throw at it is that its narrative pacing is occasionally boring. What the heckles, I wondered, could have caused such a fuss? Goddam.

The almighty epithet Goddam is the No.1 excuse given for most banned books. Salinger used it 225 times** in The Catcher in the Rye, and then sprinkles in a handful of "Fuck you"s towards the end of his angst tome. Swearing, plus a chaste encounter with a frosty prosty, outraged enough earnest citizens to get the book banned in large portions of the U.S. The Message was obscured by the Vehicle of Expression.

Salinger's novel is unsettling, thick with sadness, and as accurate a depiction of depression as I have ever read. Our "unreliable" narrator, Holden Caulfield, grapples with capital-C Communication from the first sentence. "If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is....all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth." But The Truth is submerged in the mundane details of two days of Holden's life. The plot follows Holden meeting body after body, meeting but never connecting, never catching one another.*** Two of his most meaningful relationships are merely memories--the first, with his dead younger brother, Allie; the second, with crush Jane, to whom Holden cannot make himself reach out.

In one memorable scene, Holden tries to explain his childhood love of visiting the museum:

"The best thing, though, in that museum was that everything always stayed right where it was....Nobody'd be different. The only thing that would be different would be you. Not that you'd be so much older or anything. It wouldn't be that, exactly. You'd just be different, that's all. You'd have an overcoat on this time. Or the kid that was your partner in line the last time had got scarlet fever and you'd have a new partner. Or you'd have a substitute taking the class, instead of Miss Aigletinger. Or you'd heard your mother and father having a terrific fight in the bathroom. Or you'd just passed by one of those puddles in the street with gasoline rainbows in them. I mean you'd be different in some way--I can't explain what I mean. And even if I could, I'm not sure I'd feel like it."****

Holden's melancholic shields tinge every conversation, every jaded reflection. He is trying, with every word, to Communicate, but wants to protect himself from the painful Void of Lost Connection. Isn't this what every teen experiences? Isn't this what every person experiences? Why are people afraid of this book? I found great hope: I Am Not Alone.

*Actually, I had reconsidered years ago; I just felt spurred (like a pony!) into action. And by action, I mean reading. Lots of reading.
**I'm no sadist; I did no counting, but took the figures from the Wikipedia site.
***Pssst, wanna know a secret? The title is explained in Chapter 22. If you read it, then you can see how clever I am!
****I also loved the line, "The thing Jesus really would've liked would be the guy that plays the kettle drums in the orchestra."

Campaign Carolers

More Hillary sillary. She needs your vote, Citizen Blatherscopian!

Happy Towel Day!

Hitchhiker's guide to a hoopy Douglas Adams hommage. You sass that frood, too?

Writing in the Face of Danger: Women in the Middle East

Middle Eastern women are taking courageous stands in their communities by protesting, teaching, and writing about their lives in a part of the world few Americans can even comprehend. There are some wonderful books: Marjane Satrapi's two-volume graphic-memoir Persepolis (from which the image at right is taken) is a heart-rending account of growing up in Iran during the Islamic Revolution; Azar Nafisi's insightful and unusual Reading Lolita In Tehran: A Memoir In Books recounts the lives of a group of women who dared to continue learning after Iranian women were banned from universities. For other recommendations, visit Laila Lalami's book blog, Moorish Girl.

The Many Emotional Colors in the Rainbow of Life

Just in case you were getting bored with "happiness", "sadness", "joy", or "ennui," now you can feel "requiapathy", "seprudity", and "trepatiousness." As reported (ahem!) in The Onion, Hallmark has discovered new emotions to "fill in any gap left by [their] 'Thinking of You' and 'Just Because' categories."

Weariness

When I first read about the "honor" killing of Dua Kahlil, I was crying so hard I could barely see the monitor. I am so angry about the way women are treated, and I feel so impotent. Culture and Heritage seem like bullshit screens to avoid Humanity--what responsibilities we creatures of earth have to one another. The kind of anger I have makes me believe that no measured response can effect equality; women cannot continue to beg for value. We need more "fuck you" can-do, even in the face of physical threat.

Via Salon.com's Broadsheet, I ran across this rant by my beloved Joss Whedon. I love that he says what he says; I love that he uses the public forums open to him to create powerful role models; I love that he, as a white-American-male, is openly feminist. But what saddens me is that because he spoke up about Dua Kahlil's murder, people started to pay attention. No woman (celebrity, politician, etc) who has spoken publicly about this has gotten much press. We are all still accepting that it must be men who speak for us, who OK our natural emotions and responses, who decide what is important and why.

What can I do? WHAT CAN I DO?

I am part of the system and its problems; I sing--beautiful, transcendent melodies--about women who want to die for love, who are outcast for following their hearts, who descend into madness when their lover is killed. I am so eager to "succeed" in this opera business that I will act any role granted me, despite its message. One of the roles that I have done repeatedly is Pamina in Mozart's Die Zauberfloete; Pamina has been kidnapped by her father to save her from the "corrupting" influence of her "power-hungry" mother; while held prisoner, the man to whom her father entrusts her attempts to "force his love upon" her; she is saved by men, pardoned for escaping by a man, and both her parents give her as a prize to Prince Tamino; Pamina's one moment of greatness in the opera is when she accompanies Tamino on his trials--she is willing to brave water and fire in order to support her man on his mission. How can I continue to play this part, to tell this story, particularly when it is marketed to children? How can I hope to make a real change in this business if I never get started? How can I do any more than be who I am, and hope that me "being the change [I] wish to see in the world" is enough?

What can I do?